Skip to main content

Sometimes it's hard...

I had a rude awakening yesterday.  I did something that was completely selfish, inconsiderate and straight up thoughtless.  And it hurt someone I care about.
I felt terrible.  Actually, terrible is an understatement.  I really can't put into words how I felt...mostly ashamed and embarrassed and truly disappointed in myself.  I had an awful time sleeping because I could not stop thinking about it.  It was not deliberate - and in fact I thought nothing of it after it happened - but my thoughtlessness didn't change the fact that my actions made someone cry.
I was trying to be funny in my snarky way and it backfired.  This, unfortunately, was not the first time that my attempt at humor completely failed.  Looking over the last 20 years of my life illustrates this point again and again.  I THINK I'm being funny - and light hearted - and maybe a little snippy in my Kim-like way - and I find out that my words HURT.  It's a bitter pill to swallow...but I know this happened for a reason.
I started this blog because I want to be a better, more positive person.  Yesterdays incident shows me I still have a long, long way to go...but I'm learning.   Everyday I take another step towards the person I want to be...and I want to thank you for sticking by me and helping me along the way.  Today, I am thankful for:

- forgiveness

- striving to be a better person even though it can be SO HARD

- my friends and family that love me even when I F*** things up

- FINALLY FRIDAY

Until tomorrow...

Positively,

Kim

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Collective Sorrow of Suicide

It started out as a normal Tuesday morning with the usual madness - getting kiddos dressed, fed and out the door to buses, schools and daycare.  Everything moved along according to plan - except the bus - it was late. And not 5 minutes late but a good 10 - and I was getting frustrated.  I needed to get the littlest to daycare and my work day into full swing - but we were stuck waiting for the bus.  Finally - a small white car drove up; someone spoke quickly to the parents on the corner, and everyone starting moving towards the other end of the street.  One of the Dad's came up to me and said there was a crime scene at the park (just a block or so away from our house) and the buses couldn't get through. "Suicide" he said, shaking his head and walking away. Suicide.  What a weighted word.  I was sad and a bit curious.  Where was the body?  When did it happen?  I quickly backed out of the driveway and headed off for daycare - taking our nor...
17 comments
Read more

Fear, Loathing & Hatred in My Kind Life

“Forgiving is not forgetting. It’s letting go of the hurt.” - Unknown It was instantaneous and vitriol and in my head before I even had a moment to register. “Ughh…I hate her!” “Her” was a girl I went to high school with over 20 years ago.  I have not seen nor spoken with this girl since then…yet seeing her profile picture flash across a friends Facebook page brought it all back.  Even though I know I shouldn’t hate her – I really don’t even KNOW her – it was the first thing that popped into my head. The funny thing is – we were on again/off again best friends through much of junior high and high school. However, it was a friendship based on mutual disrespect.  She had a “reputation” that made her quite popular with the boys. I had a self esteem problem that I fed relentlessly.  We were a perfect storm of self loathing. Sometimes, the stars would align and we’d be brief but glorious allies.  Most of the time, however, we were using the oth...
2 comments
Read more

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery...

...none but ourselves can free our minds. Ah, a little Bob Marley on 4/20 is always good. :-) I digress.  What a day.  A very grey, very cloudy drama filled day. It certainly was NOT good and I definitely felt like I was caught in a downward spiral of negativity. I actually wondered as the day went on how I was ever going to come up with something positive.  It just wasn't happening. But then I saw "Emancipation" on a bumper sticker - and it hit me - Bob Marley was totally right.  My emotions, actions, feelings - they are MY responsibility.  I spent all day reacting - feeling bad, doubting myself  - wondering what I could do to make it ALL BETTER.  I essentially wasted my energy, and my day, by allowing negativity to permeate and cast shadows of doubt. I'm done with that.  I want to reclaim my spirit - my positive energy - and I will not let ANYONE dictate how I feel again. It was a VERY hard day and I'm happy it's almost over.  How...
1 comment
Read more