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Bad news blues...

What a day.  It was long and somewhat grey and definitely riddled with sadness.  I had a hard time getting out of my funk...one thing would perk me up and then another two or three would just pull me back down.

It's exhausting.

My mind has been full of thoughts - they circle, dip, dive and rise again - pestering me and making my head cloudy.  Today I found out a wonderful women and dear friend of my family is once again fighting a battle against cancer.  It immediately brought me back to a time when I sat back and hopelessly watched my FIL fight this same battle.  On one hand it's about remaining positive - sending your energy so they can continue to fight the good fight - and on the other hand - it's about not facing what is happening - hiding your eyes from reality and desperately trying so hard to BELIEVE it is all going to be okay.

Sigh...sometimes it is just not okay - no matter how hard you wish, beg, bargain and pray.  Bad things happen to good people and it sucks.  It's just so damn unfair.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was just a pre-teen.  It's not something I've ever really discussed.  I remember being scared all the time that she was going to die - and I was going to be motherless - at the age of 13.  I worried and worried and wished and wished with all my heart that she would get better.  And I was lucky - because she did.  I still worried (heck I STILL worry) but it's been over 20 years of remission and 20 years of growing with my Mom.

Today I am thankful that I was able to hear her voice and talk with her on the phone even if her words carried news of sadness.

Thank you Mom.

Until tomorrow...

Positively,

Kim

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