Breakin' Up is Hard to Do...

So, this week I had to say a tough goodbye.  We'd been together for almost 20 years, and while it was a great time, I knew our relationship was going downhill.  For the past year or so I convinced myself we could still be together, that a change wasn't necessary, but finally, on Monday, I knew it was time to say goodbye.

Diet Coke, I'm sorry.  It's not you - it's me.

Well - actually - it's a lot about you.  Ya see, I had my first sip of your so sweet yet calorie free self just about 20 years ago. I was a high school senior convinced I needed you to keep the weight off and my eyes open.  I'll be honest - it wasn't love at first sight - you tasted pretty TERRIBLE. :-) But then you kinda grew on me and I couldn't stay away.

And for years - you served your purpose well.  Not a day went by that I didn't turn to you - late night study sessions, early morning classes, mid day pick ups - you were always there for me.  Cold, refreshing, bubbly.  Your little silver can brought me endless joy and quenched many a tough thirst.

Yet, in the past few years, I began to doubt our relationship.  I wondered if you were really good for me.  I made a new friend - and she whispered all sorts of unsavory truths about you.  Toxic chemicals. Cancer causing caramel flavoring, Zero nutritional value.  She was talking some serious smack - but I held strong, Diet Coke.  You made me feel too good to be bad.  So I kicked that friend to the curb - I didn't need that negativity in my life and our relationship.

But.

I had started a family - and I didn't want them to eat or drink things that weren't good for them.  I began to study labels - avoiding anything that had artificial color, BHT, or big words that I couldn't pronounce and didn't understand.  Yet while I made better choices for my family, I continued to hang out with you, Diet Coke.  As I fed my kiddos natural cereal, I drank a Diet Coke.  I smiled when my daughter told my Mom over lunch that "she wasn't allowed to eat anything with artificial flavor" and then asked the waiter to refill my (diet) drink for the 3rd time.  I knew we would be together forever.

Then, I kinda started to feel a bit yucky.  Nothing serious - I just didn't feel right.  I exercise regularly, eat okay (good not great) but still just felt a bit off. I started thinking more and more about you,  Diet Coke.  I did some research on Aspartame and Caramel coloring.  Remember that friend?  The one I kicked to the curb for you?  Yeah - she was right.  Our relationship was toxic and I knew we had to break up.

So, I stopped.  Cold turkey.  I thought I'd miss you a lot.  In some ways, I did.  When we went out for dinner I had no idea what to do.  You'd been my default date for two decades and suddenly - I had to THINK.  I hemmed, and hawed, and finally settled on a non diet beverage. It felt weird and the experience just wasn't the same.  'Cause you were warm and familiar and delicious in an extremely bad kind of way.

Sigh.

This marks one week without you.  I have moments where I miss you terribly - others where I barely notice you are gone.  I don't think it's going to be easy to stay away - cause even though you are bad you feel so very good - but I'm going to try.

I deserve better.