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Showing posts from July, 2012

Fear, Stupidity and All That Jazz

Well, I did something kinda stupid.  I'm not exactly proud of my moment of stupidity - in fact - it's been a pretty mortifying little episode that I'm trying desperately to put behind me.  But it just won't go away.  Doesn't matter what I do - or how I think about it - it's still there.   Looking at me.  Laughing.  Triumphant in its complete and total control over my emotions. I hate it. It owns and dominates me and I can't - for the life of me - figure out why I'm giving it so much power.   It was a moment.  Technically - a moment in the past.  It can't hurt me anymore. I'm powerless to change it.   No matter how hard I try to pretend it didn't happen - and believe me I am trying - it still did. So I'm afraid, and powerless, and feeling like a big ole loser in the proverbial game.   Sigh. I guess I could wallow around it in a bit longer.  Keep rehashing all the "what if's" that are revolving through my head.  Figur

How Did I Get Here?

Well, it's been a while.  A lot has happened since last December.  Among other things, I left a job, accepted a job, lost a job, and acquired a new job - albeit unpaid.  I am now officially a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM). This is what SAHM's do during the day. Yikes!  This was NOT in my game plan and is definitely NOT my long term goal - but I'm trying to make the best of it.  After all - it is summer - and we have a pool membership - so it could be worse.  Did I mention said pool also has a bar?  It's getting better and better. :-) So after the initial freak out (OMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?) I started counting dollars, contacting unemployment and developing a plan.  I am optimistic it will turn out fine.  Maybe even better than fine.  I'm actually kinda lucky, ya know? My hubby has a good job - and that in itself is a blessing. We will all still be insured and he will still be working hard (like he always has) to bring home the proverbial bacon (veggie in his